Leaning On Me
by BarbieSpeidel
Summary: Chronicles of Narnia Slash Fiction. Peter/Caspian pairing. Songfic of "Breathe 2 A.M. " by Anna Nalick


Summer Reading Oral Report

_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,  
can you help me unravel my latest mistake,  
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season_

In the dead of night, Susan confesses to me that she does not love Caspian. We see the way Prince Caspian looks at our brother, Peter. **And** we see how Peter returns those feelings. We just want our brother to be happy, and if Caspian makes him so, so be it. Ever since last time we were in Narnia, Peter had always seemed to be aloof, a drifter: never really part of the family. But now, he laughs and jokes with the rest of us. He's back to his old self: planning strategies and preparing for his duel.

_  
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes  
like they have any right at all to criticize,  
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason_

However, the Narnians disapprove. This new Narnia is very different than the one of old. Back when they were Kings and Queens, homosexuality was perfectly acceptable. At balls, women danced with women, men danced with men.

But in this Narnia, it was thought of as dirty, _sinful_. Edmund, Susan, and even Lucy love their brother and have grown quite fond of Caspian but if their relationship leads to Peter and Caspian's demises, they would never forgive themselves. They try to talk sense into the boys, but the boys don't listen to reason, they listen to their hearts. And their hearts tell them to spread their wings and let their love fly.

_  
'Cause you can't jump the track,_

_We're like cars on a cable  
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button girl,  
So cradle your head in you hands  
And breathe, just breathe,  
Whoa breathe, just breathe_

They know they don't have much more time. Every look is worth a diamond, every word is worth a mountain of gold, every touch worth the world to them. They try and slow down and enjoy the moment but the world is speeding past them and tugging and grabbing at them and telling them to catch up. Like a train rolling by, it catches you by surprise and in the end; it sucks you along with it. __

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss  
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist,  
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.  
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,  
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,  
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

They are back in England. Peter is back in that disdainful world without Caspian. Peter, in his grief and his stupor, has turned to the bottle. Edmund remembers the brother he looked up to when he was younger: the smart, boisterous Peter of his youth. What happened to him? Edmund wants to help his older brother, his role model but he knows he cannot help Peter. Only a certain Telmarine King could bring his older brother the relief he so desperately Needed, Wanted, and Deserved. __

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.  
No one can find the rewind button boys,  
So cradle your head in your hands,  
And breathe, just breathe,  
Whoa breathe, just breathe

Edmund hates it when Peter cries. When Ed had scratched his knees after tripping, Peter was there for him. But a wound to the heart is not easily healed. Even if it is healed, it leaves a nasty scar. __

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout  
but you're just as far in as you'll ever be out  
these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
if you only try turning around.

Edmund comes to terms with the fact that his brother cannot be helped. Ed is always there with a shoulder to cry on, words attempting to sooth, and an ear to listen with but that's all Peter can get now. __

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song  
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer  
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to

Edmund spends days and nights, writing down his hopes, fears, and dreams. He pours his soul into a book made up of leather and paper, not exactly something to trust your heart with. But there is no one else to confide in. A soul is something you should never take for granted: it is worth many moons, suns, and stars. __

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd  
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud  
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Peter found Edmund's diary. The word "diary" doesn't truly describe it though; it is an Edmund you can read, study, understand. Peter understands how much pressure he's putting on his little brother. His _young_ brother who doesn't deserve all the heart ache he is enduring. Peter tries to put up a brave veneer, but they both know Peter's heart is crumbling like the old ruins of Cair Paravel.

_  
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,  
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table  
No one can find the rewind button now  
Sing it if you understand.  
And breathe, just breathe  
whoa breathe, just breathe,  
oh breathe, just breathe._


End file.
